In coaching we learn that human beings have three universal needs. If these needs aren’t being met, they can sabotage your efforts for success and fulfiment in life.
1. The need to belong
All humans have a need to feel that they’re part of a community. Whether this is through family, friends, work, or hobbies, having a support network who gets you and supports you. This is especially important if you’re challenging yourself, taking risks and working toward big goals. These are the people who you can vent your frustrations to, who can offer support when you’re feeling down and give you a pat on the back when you’re working hard. It’s easy to forget to acknowledge ourselves and how far we’ve come – that’s where your key support network comes in.
You’ve probably heard that we’re the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. Remember that; it might help you step back and assess who’s in your life and what role they’re playing. Who is in your circle? Are they supporting you with where you want to go in life?
Consider whether you are you spending enough time nurturing your relationships. It’s easy to let this slip when you’re busy with work and everything else, but it’s so important to have a good support network to succeed and meet your goals.
What could you do to build your support network? Could you set up a monthly catch-up with a group of like-minded professionals in your network who can support each other?
2. The need to feel that you are enough
With my coaching clients, I find it’s such a common belief among people that they are not good enough, not experienced enough, not capable enough, not clever enough, not old enough… Sometimes it’s deep in their subconscious, and sometimes it’s on the surface. This belief gets in the way of how you can achieve your goal. Whether it’s going for a promotion, creating a successful business, having a great relationship or building financial wealth to live a life on your terms, what you think is what counts.
Do you have any beliefs that you are not good enough because of xyz? How are these holding you back from achieving your goal? What belief could you replace these with? For example, focus on what value you do bring, such as your knowledge, expertise or enthusiasm about a particular topic that others can benefit from.
3. The need to feel loved
Another common belief I see in my coaching clients is “I won’t be loved or accepted if I don’t do x or be y”. On an unconscious level, a lot of people hold on to beliefs from the past that gets in the way of them having true love and acceptance for themselves. This can give them self-doubt and sabotage their goals, or it can lead them to overwork, to push too hard, to prove something so they feel others can accept and love them, or that they can accept and love themselves.
Consider whether you fully love and accept yourself just as you are. Without having to do or prove anything? What beliefs do you need to change to fully accept and love yourself? What thoughts do you need to let go, in order to know that those in your support network love you for who are are, not what you achieve or do?
Over the next few weeks, notice what you need to work on the most. How can you challenge those beliefs and thoughts you have, or take action to address that need? When you do this, what are the new, positive results in your business and life?
Try writing in a journal at the same time each day (when you wake up or just before bed). Write down your thoughts, feelings and whatever is going on for you. When you have a negative belief, challenge it and write down what would happen if it did work or was a success .