My clients are people who want to be successful. They want to grow themselves, reach their goals and live the life they dream of.
They set goals, work hard, do more, become more productive, push push push. However, focusing on achieving the external stuff - a great career/business, relationships, looking good, money, success can still leave people with a feeling inside that it's never quite enough, that they need more external stuff, that they're never quite good enough or worthy enough no matter how much I achieve.
Chasing the external stuff will never address the internal stuff, the quiet whisper of the feelings of lack. The external stuff alone will never give you true happiness or fulfilment.
In fact the more challenging goals you pursue the more the internal "stuff' comes up. Sitting still and staying in the same place is comfortable. When you're putting yourself out there, striving for more, when you're challenged, under pressure, when someone pushes your buttons, when you're alone...that's when this stuff comes up.
Sometimes this internal stuff is so quiet and we numb it with all sorts of things - shopping, drinking, social media, tv, busy-ness, socialising.
The root cause of these feelings of not being good enough, not being worthy, needing external validation through success, relationships etc etc tend to come back to a lack of self-love.
If we don't truly and fully love ourselves then no amount of external stuff will give us the happiness and fulfilment in life we want.
What are some of things to look for that indicate a lack of self-love?
- Blame and judgement of self and/or others
- Self-worth is dependent on external stuff and or the need for validation from others
- Involvement in drama
- Defensiveness, easily upset/angered when things don't go their way
- Shutting down with self or others
The things that show high self love are:
- Acceptance and compassion for yourself and others of both the 'good' parts and the 'not so good' parts
- Being free of judgment and with no need to put yourself or others down
- Not being involved in high drama
- Being ok with making mistakes (self and others) and looking at it as a way to learn; accept and forgive mistakes of the past - we are all doing the best we can with the information and experience we have
- Having healthy boundaries (this does not mean a long list of things people must do to mean they love us or to earn our love; let go of how you think someone should love or care about you, make room to be surprised by life and let people show they care in their way)
- Giving to others but in a way that energises not in a way that drains or as a way to 'get' love
- Being vulnerable in a resourceful way (not in a needy way to get love by creating drama but in a way to genuinely express themselves and their needs and boundaries and expressing what you really need or feel and not using logic, righteousness or 'my way is better'
How could you show more self love?
What's one thing you could commit to right now to grow your self love? What's one thing you can give up that's weighing you down from having more self-love?
What is a lack of self love costing you? If you were to have high self love how would that change your life?
If this is something that resonated with you and you want to know how actually get out of this pattern, get in contact to organise a chat at Jennifer@herandnow.com or 0422 388 261